I wrote this down in my notebook months ago…and as I chanced upon it tonight looking for something else, I decided it was time I share the ins and outs of why skirts are my happy thought:
Pregnant with Bridger, Beautiful Summer’s Day, George and I
To get to know me, Farm-girl Emily, you will have to acquaint yourself with some of my friends. Julie S. is a woman I met on my Latter Day Saint, proselyting mission. There she was with dark simple hair due pulled in a very large bun, and glinting dark brown eyes, stunning in beauty portrayed with the most simple, old fashioned and modest of checked charm. She was romantic and peaceful, obedient, and committed, all wrapped in one, in her button down tucked in shirt, with a slender waist and a long flowing skirt. When I stepped into her peaceful home, and heard she and her husband pray so adoringly, sweetly and peacefully, I knew she would be an unforgettable pillar in my life.
My Julie:
At that point I wanted the blessings of the temple and eternal family that our church offers, for her family irrevocabley. Although I was to find that although Julie wouldn’t be interested in my faith, mine was the delight of meeting a person who stamps her impression into your soul as with concrete…How long-lasting and far reaching her example would be for me, I didn’t realize.
As I went home from my mission and went back to normal every day civilian life, her memory teased me at the back of my mind as the feminine ideal. I learned some of my own about modesty, like when I was seen by an apostle of the Lord, and when he looked at me full of love and concern I felt I could do better. My skirt was just at that point where wind or a bend not executed just so, would cause a breech in modesty. I joyfully sewed on a stripe on my skirt and ever forward vowed that modesty came first, even before style. I furthered the tug of war all women play, where here and there a too tight or short or sheer or whatever else, item came my way, and in that it was cute, I wore it till I realized I wasn’t feeling the spirit as sweetly as I could and then cast it back out of my life…those items spring up like weeds and must be therefore tugged out.
Meanwhile, as I got married my closet filled with just a few more skirts that weren’t just for Sunday, and in my heart I wondered, does Julie know how much I remember her?
Then I began to study for myself these principles and decided I’d perform an experiment. I wore skirts for a complete month…and felt so sweet and feminine and nice and pretty. But at the time however I had a male neighbor whose back yard was connected to mine, and felt I was calling undue attention to myself by wearing skirts, and as I studied I felt that a large part of modesty had to do with making those around you comfortable, and not calling undue attention to yourself. So while I continued to wear skirts, I also wore pants, and battled the inner man balance of looking bright, happy and kept without feeling attractive in an inappropriate way, still weeding out this and or that item to my wardrobe.
Skirt experiment 2008 or so.
Once I went back to pants however I had an ultra sensitivity to cloth wrapped around my legs, and I realized I wore hip-hugging jeans as a way of life before and at that point. I realized I had in times past tempted the viewer by stating the obvious with tight fitting clothing. I gained an awareness of how classy a woman could feel when her curves were a part of her demure secret, in a loose pant or shirt, that alluded only to the glory underneath.
A looser pant, post skirt experiment 2008 or so. Maybe I didn’t need to go that loose, but that is what I found at the Thrift Store, and they were really comfortable, mentally and physically.
I remember walking on the golf course with my husband in my pretty jean skirt on the last day of my experiment, as if it were a good bye party. I loved feeling feminine but I hated thinking I’d make anyone uncomfortable. Oh how pretty I felt. Good bye to feeling pretty I thought. Oh I still wore my skirts of course but not every day like I did for that fun month.
I think nothing short of vanity and a desire to not feel fat, fell upon me when I started to wear skirts more often again. To find a pair of pants that isn’t tight but doesn’t look like a baggy sloppy frumpy mess is really not easy. Add on top of that a changing figure size and short legs. A curvy body. How complicated is the human woman figure. We are talking narrow, long, wide, short, poochy, concave, flat, sloping, bumpy, in seam, stubby, lengthy…basically we’re juggling a lot. And I really really hated feeling fat.
When a friend outside my faith asked me why I wore skirts so often I replied, my jeans all didn’t fit me, which was true…I was adjusting back from a pregnancy, but then I finally got around to buying some bigger pants. And in fact went to one garage sell alone and I had more loose and just right fitting pants then I could shake a stick at. I was so happy because I felt really classy in these nice fitting pants. They flaired out just the way I liked and everything, and I had no shortage anymore, not in jeans or slacks or anything else.
In one of my garage sale find jeans.
I remember one day, I felt an impression so large to just bight the bullet and be who I wanted to be. It was like romance in the story tale sense bursting out of my chest. I should just do it. Should just go for it. But I swallowed it down, like the last bight of cheese cake to remember only, but no longer savor.
Not two weeks later, our recent prophet had announced the thrilling news that females could now serve at the young age of 19 instead of the riper age of 21. They were not commanded to go as young men were, still but the door of opportunity opened…it was an exciting moment for the young women of our church. A popular woman blog author wrote a compelling and flaunting article about what could have been, in my mind, as if to state that those dowdy dense and stubborn old men leaders of our church had finally seen the light, the light of what women could do and could accomplish…and I must admit, I wanted nothing to do with her provocative words.
True, I was a female who did have the opportunity to serve a ‘mission’ for my church. But when I heard the prophet announce this, my thoughts were very different. I felt light and happy all at once and I knew that it was the right time. Its as if I were in a car accident when time slows down and you can see a million reasons all at once as to why things were the way they were and I knew that it was right. It was exciting and wonderful, but there was no part of me that had any doubt that it was right now, but wasn’t right all along and it was the prideful leaders that finally opened their hearts to it. I knew it was right now, and wasn’t right before. Sometimes we have to pray to know things like this, but for some grace of a reason, this was given to me in that moment.
And it was in that moment that I wanted to politically make a statement, as well as tangibly mark out a reminder for myself of who I wanted to be, through my choice of dress, that my husband “wore the pants” and I did not. I wanted to wear a dress to separate my feminine roles symbolically as well as mentally from my husband. I wanted to look down upon my skirt when I was tempted to talk crassly, over boldly and dominantly and remember instead my more influential counterparts of a demurely witty and spunkily strong but gentle womanhood that was mine to cherish, and to more deeply empower and influence with. God knows I could use a tangible reminder to soften my hard and ugly temper.
My closet was riddled with skirts, under tights, and loose pants, with a whole bin of jeans up high waiting for me to shrink down a bit for. And at that day, I began to patronage my skirts.
Tis funny that on Riley’s birthday, however that I thought my sweater looked better with a pair of jeans, and when he got home he asked, “Can you please change?” Which was bold and direct, but it was his birthday date after all! Once I told him I wanted to show that he wore the pants, by gum, he wanted to wear them! It happened again a second time with a muttering that its interesting how pants aren’t as flattering on women, and so, I know my man likes me best this charming feminine way, in a skirt. Another time he said, “Ahhhh, man!” when I wore pants, and lest you think he was controlling, I will state, another time I wore a pair of pants, he said, “I like your belt!” I remember when I first did my 30 day skirt experiment a few years back, and my 3 year old son kept making comments like “Mama, you look soooo pretty!!” I think there is something really stabilizing for children when they know their parents have different and distinct roles.
And so for now on, I hope to paint a living picture of past ideals. Skirts are not my religion, but instead my preference, as well as my happiest choice. They are indeed my Happy Thought.
“I’m a girl and by me, that’s only great. I am proud that my silhouette is curvy.”
And, yes I have gained restraint in not choosing to flaunt the truth of my figure as this poem would insinuate, but I do glory with the joy in the tantalizing espionage that I am a woman.
I need not compete with, nor compare myself to man, a creature of entirely different but correlating and balancing virtues. For me, being a woman is an art. An art that I will heretofore proclaim with every swish of my step and unless for the occasion, I don’t feel modest in a ‘cultural message’ sense, or my skirt isn’t suited to the task, mine will be to live an entirely feminine and delightfully old fashioned life…
No you won’t find me in a skirt at the gym or skiing down a hill, nor will you find me dressed up fancy like a Jane Austen fanatic. But you will find me barefoot on my deck with a skirt or bundled up cozily feeding my chickens complete with under warming leggings and snow boots. Alas I am a Tasha Tudor at heart.
Sunday, 2011, after Church
You may choose to be more the modern woman as you dress, yet and exemplify still, all that is bright and good and feminine. May you always be true to all the sweetness planted in the angelic heart God implanted with in you and may you ever be true to yourself!
Margaret D. Nadauld, “A Woman of Faith,” Ensign, Nov 2002, 73 (Referring to those looking upon a woman of faith) They not only hear her discuss her commitment, but they see her commitment in her daily living—in the way she dresses, what she reads and watches, how she spends her leisure time, what she loves and laughs at, whom she attracts, and how she acts at all times, in all things, and in all places. She has a certain style of her own that is attractive and joyful and bright and good. Our little girls and our young women can safely trust in her example. We pray that they too will be fearless as they seek out and promote that which is uplifting and happy and decent, for they are our future.
Sunday, 2010, pregnant with Bridger
2010 Pregnant with Bridger, at one of my favorite family outings, apple orcharding.
First of all, I can’t restrain myself: you are an amazingly beautiful woman! Your smile is a millions dollar smile! You are so cute!
And I love this post. I’m so glad you shared the story of your journey and decision to wear skirts. That was so well-written and insightful and inspiring. And honest. I love your honesty. Thank you for boldly and bravely sharing who you are. I don’t know why it’s scary sometimes to follow that inner voice, but it is! You have given me more courage.
Thank you so much for this post! Being a woman is so delightful when we embrace the femininity inherent to our gender. I love feeling feminine, too! Oh, and I have to share this random tidbit. My in-laws gave me a gift card for Christmas, and I was SO excited to find myself some badly-needed new clothes. I even prayed about being able to find something modest and lovely, because we all know that you can have all the money in the world but STILL have a hard time finding decent clothes. Well, I was blessed to find the most beautiful skirt from Ann Taylor on sale for $12!!! Score! I wore it to church on Sunday and felt so pretty. And it’s casual enough that I can wear it to meet friends at the park or go shopping. It was the perfect tender mercy. Now I just need another one of the same skirts in a different color and I’m set!
Stephanie,
Thank you for your comment it brought me a smile~
I am so happy about your tender mercy! I wish I could see it!
The first thought that came into my mind though was, be careful in following my blog I really wouldn’t want anyone to end up an odd ball like me! ;P
To anyone I would say, follow the Lord and your heart, and he’ll provide the joyous path for you. Once a lady I met, prayed she could loose some weight because she didn’t fit her bras or clothes. The Lord blessed her instead with a hand me down bag on her front porch, filled with both!
We really are lillies of the field, and in his time he provides. Sometimes it feels like we are making due and sometimes, its something just right! Like your pretty pretty skirt! Yeah!!!! Thanks for your comment it meant a lot.
Thank you! It is so refreshing to read your blog and escape from all the feminist hype out there.
I am a skirt lover too, but I do wear jeans a couple days a week for pretty much the same reasons you said – some activities are easier done in pants, and I don’t want to draw attention to myself.
Thank you Kourtney.
Its so fun to acquaint with another skirt lover!
Not wanting to draw attention to yourself really is a wonderful part of modesty, and in writing this post, I feel I just brought attention to myself, I am kinda embarrassed!
I was going to my little notebook to write in some recipe ideas when I came across this I’d penned one night, and it almost jumped out of me and screamed to be blogged! So I did hoping there was some reason to it, and I am glad it brought you reprieve
I’ve been a people watcher for a while in the venue of women in skirts and I’ll share what I’ve noticed, (and not for your benefit Kourtney but any skirt loving girl reading this post who might like to hear).
My observations on how to avoid sending unwanted messages while wearing something different than the majority of the culture:
1) If you don’t feel you are wearing something that makes you better than someone else, then people won’t perceive that. If you do feel what you wear sets you apart in some way, stylish or otherwise, people are likely to pick up on that.
2) Look around you at other women that wear skirts casually to pick up ideas. I saw a family that wore skirts to a cave, and I could tell by the sparkle in their eye that they were Christians, and they pulled it off really casual. They were different, but that difference wasn’t a turned nose difference so it was a real blessing to have them walk by. Things I’ve noticed that help on women to not appear supposing, are casual fabrics like cotton, sweat pant, chord, jean, heavy twill, outward seams, sporty lines, these all help. Plaid, stripe, vests, and even old clothing, those all are casual things that blend better into what others are wearing even if you aren’t wearing pants…and thus don’t stand apart so much.
3) Dress to your personality. That also puts others at ease. I once saw this beautiful black woman in an air port, and she was dressed actually, to the NINES. She pulled it off in the confidence she carried, and that there was no doubt this was her culture and her personality. She was quite the lady, so gentle and dignified.
I think dressing to your personality creates a new ‘culture’ and thus makes differences acceptable.
(For example, Julie whom originally inspired me, wore things that she felt pleased the Lord in skirts and modest shirts and vests, and now wears what other Mennonites wear. You can see her beliefs shining through what she wears, and hence sense her ‘culture’ which again, puts you at ease.)
4) Countenance. A woman that loves God, in pants or a skirt, shines like a light bulb in her eyes. Its the best thing you can ‘wear’.
Those are my thoughts I’ve noticed while looking for examples of those women wearing skirts that I didn’t feel were drawing negative and undue attention to themselves, even though wearing something different than what most wear.
Hi Emily I love you. You’re cute.
You are silly Riley, I love you too.
Hi Emily,
Thank you for sharing your blog on skirts. You are such a good communicator! : ) Because I grew up wearing skirts, it’s not one of the “journeys” I’ve had to take, but I still believe firmly that they are the best for a Christian woman. I like the part about not wanting to “wear the pants” in the family. That is so true!
I think when women started wearing pants and going into the work force, etc. society took a drastic change for the worse. There are God-given roles in a family and when we follow His direction given in Scripture, the family is a strong unit that works and stays together. God has given the man the role of head of the home, the woman as helpmeet, child-bearer and child-rearer, and children the role of obedience and submission to instruction by parents, etc. When we each fill our “role”, what a wonderful result! Does this mean that women are inferior because they are not the head of the home? Do we have a lower place to fill, an unimportant role? Certainly not! We can see this in any organization, be it the fire department, the medical world or any type of business. There is always a “boss” or a group of leaders who make final decisions and give direction. They are no more important than the ones who carry out the work. Even the Bible speaks of the importance of every member in the Body of Christ, His Church. One cannot say one is more necessary than the other . . . all are needful and cannot function without the other!
When the husband is loving the wife, as Christ loved the church, it is no problem for her to submit to his authority. When he is taking her into consideration in all of his decisions, when he is listening to hear her input on different matters that arise, before making his decision, it is a joy for a wife to be his helpmeet. To my mind the picture is so beautiful and why any woman wouldn’t want to function in a family this way is beyond me! (Not to mention his God-given role of supporting the family by working and allowing the wife to stay at home, keeping house, preparing the meals and caring for the children).
And so, it follows that as we want to fill the role of a Christian woman and wife, we should also want to look like it! Honouring our husband, and thus honouring God, by dressing in a way becoming womanhood falls directly into line with this mindset. A Christian woman, walking after the Spirit, would never want to dress to purposely draw attention to herself from other men. We know what the Scriptures say, “if a man looketh on a woman to lust after her, he hath committed adultery already with her in his heart.” (My wording may not be exact). This is a serious sin and may we as Christian women never be at fault for causing a man to stumble in this way, especially a Christian man from our own circles! It saddens me when I hear nominal Christian men who talk about how they should stand at the door of the church with blankets to hand out so the women can cover themselves for worship service. What a shame on the name of Christianity!
May we raise the standard and be the first, if we have to in our area, to break this awful pattern of so-called Christian women flaunting themselves. It is the way of least resistance to go with the flow and do what everyone else is doing, but is that the right way? The Bible says that the way is straight and narrow and few there be that find it. Why? Because it’s tough on our flesh! Naturally, we like to be noticed. We like to be thought of as attractive. We like to see men take a second look at us. It makes us feel good about ourselves. But this is the way of the flesh, “and they that are Christ have CRUCIFIED the flesh with its affections and lusts.” Wow! There is no room for this fleshly living in the life of a Christian woman. None. God help us to keep the standard high in our daily lives in this way and in every other way that we are called to live godly.
The Scriptures call for a distinction between male and female. In the Old Testament there’s a verse that says it is an abomination to the Lord to wear that which pertaineth to a man. We are also taught in the New Testament that women are to have long hair (it’s her glory!) and men are to have short hair. Why? Again, there’s that distinction. In the garden, God made them male and female and all throughout the law of Moses we find clear distinctions being made between clean and unclean, against mixing different types of fabrics, keeping a separation from the heathen, etc. etc. God is a God of distinction. Which brings me to another point . . . as Christians we should also look distinct from unsaved, worldly people. It makes no sense to give our lives completely to our Lord and yet hold on to the world’s changing fads and fashions that are dictated by the flesh. The majority of TV is anything but godly and has set a standard of ungodliness in society. May we not be guilty as Christians in following after this low standard. When people look at us for the first time, they should KNOW we’re Christians even if they never have one word with us.
This kind of living starts in the heart. Am I completely submitted to Christ and His Word? Do I honour my husband as my head? Do I seek to please my Lord in all areas of my life? Do I take the Scriptures for what they say and apply them directly to my life without excuse? We can look ever so good on the outside, as the Pharisees did, but it is to no avail if our heart is not right. This is not a suggestion to leave the outward standard undone until the inside is right, but a caution not to focus on the outward only and forget the heart of the matter!
Emily, this has gotten way longer than I planned, but I hope you enjoy it as I enjoyed your blog and that you will let me know if you think it is on the right track. I’ve taken things a little further than you do, but I think you’ll understand this the natural progression of the thing. : )
Have a good day and write when you can!
Love,
J.S.
Here’s the truth: Women do look so much more beautiful in skirts! I’m still addicted to my jeans, I’m not gonna lie to you, but I am all admiration for those among us who wear the skirt. The picture of you ice skating in a skirt a few blogs back is just enchanting. Knowing your man as I do, controlling is the last thing he is. His appreciation for your modesty is nothing more than love unfeigned. You go, girl!