Photo credit (providing the clues to the treasures we find)
I learned about explicit modeling, at an elementary education course. The teacher modeled how you talk out your inner thought processes, to help you teach a certain skill, in writing for example.
Generally, I find it natural to keep private some of our internal thought processes, but I find that children can only learn to a certain extent, if we don’t talk aloud some of our inner techniques. Or too often, we talk out loud our bad habits, and keep the good habits and steps to them, to ourselves. In parenting you frequently see those negative patterns showing brightly and reflected, in your children’s lives unfortunately. But I’ve seen some real successes lately in explicit modeling of good habits, that I thought I would share with you tonight.
Experience 1: I received a communication that brought , me great sadness. I took some time to go to my bed and cry and pray. I did feel that as I cried, and the pain was released, that the Savior eased my pain more and more until I drifted off to such a peaceful slumber that I wasn’t sure that I was asleep or not. He was healing me from this particular pain, and I knew this. As I decided to speak to my children about what I had done to find relief, one of them was not present. I began, but decided to wait till that child arrived. I then proceeded to share the personal experience. That child then came up to me with some private feelings of hurt. I encouraged her to go and take them to the Savior. Later on that week, when I felt saddened at a social experience, my daughter reminded me to go to the Savior again.
Experience 2: I finally have decided not to chew too much at once, and with my goals for curbing temper, decided to go 30 days, in a row, with out swearing. I really have had to pray deeply each morning, admitting how helpless I was to change. I made it a certain day in a row, and even cried when I had to start over. My son watched in this, and now, he is working for 30 days on his temper, too. Together we see our amount of days as successes, because it gets easier and easier as you go along, and both of us have learned to really pray for help. One day recently I was late to an appointment, and lost, and I was really starting to freak out. My son warned me, “Mom, be really careful not to swear, I know its really tempting right now for you.” I thanked him and said I was really battling it at that moment.
Experience 3: I told my children that I had gotten up from my bench, and almost left my wallet, but that I remembered to turn around and say ‘Good-bye’ to my seat, when I saw my almost neglected wallet. It was so great when just a couple days later, my son told me he turned around and said goodbye to his tools, and remembered to put them away! I was so stoked!
Experience 4: There was one more, but I’ve forgotten it! So sad when that happens, isn’t it?
Does talking out your thought processes come naturally to you, or is it more in your nature to be private and internal over your thinking? Have you had some successes from sharing your inner struggles that you work to conquer or private good techniques that you spell out? I know usually in mothering, the good things we do don’t lend an immediate reward, so keep on in your righteous efforts. I was just lucky enough to have a few feed backs lately, so I decided to highlight these moments and share them. I hope you’ll remember your own particular success and that it will brighten and rejuvenate your efforts, and it would be cool if you shared something here too, but no expectations of course.