Before I gave birth, a conversation about Siamese Twins emerged between my mother, husband and I. The conversation starter was due to a book my mom brought us, about interesting life situations.
As my mother told me about a particular Siamese Twin case, and how this physical body so entwined, was indeed two different spirits, it made me think about my new to be infant.
It proved to be something Heavenly Father prepared me with to joyfully receive this infant boy, because he would not even sleep unless being held. Thinking of the delicate tap dance of two spirits, deeply connected and harmonizing together, from my Siamese Twin example, I received this attribute and decided to joyfully receive this quality my son had, and give him his time as he worked toward independance.
It was not more than 5 days before he took his very first little nap of 20 minutes alone, and then the next day he took a very long nap. I felt so free that I went down stairs and put pictures up on facebook and rather over did it for my healing…but I was so happy to have harmoniously reached this point, and now each day he’s become just a tiny bit more independant.
My midwife bidded me to spend the first 2 weeks in bed to rest up as much as possible and let my body heal, for a happy, peaceful and depression free recovery.
I’ve truly enjoyed this time with my sweet pea, and for my time to journal, talk with loved ones on the telephone, journal, make goals and plan out and re-route some home systems.
But my two weeks is almost up, my husband is getting fried and burned out and my feelings of guilt at not helping him more are turning to sadness…and I feel I am approaching a cliff where I just don’t know what realistic expectations with stretching goals I should make, or what my body will need in its healing plan.
Thankfully, I visited my friend’s blog, Love and Laughter listed on my homeschooling inspirational blogs. She discussed her last empowering birth story and discussed how we can look inward for trust, faith and confidence in our body’s ability to make right choices.
I prayed to the Lord and told him my feelings of overwhelm…and he sent me the sun. Yes, at 3:00 it usually comes and Sweet Pea and I enjoy the sun together. But today I noticed it was over cast just like yesterday. But just as I was praying, He sent the sun from behiind the clouds,at 4:15, all warm and bright, and as the Sun shone on me, my prayer turned into one of complete grattitude for what the Lord has given me, all he has helped me, his Grace that has supplied me patience, change, and has been helping me become the woman I dream of coming.
And with the Sun shining me as I pondered the Son, He gave me another special gift: Hope. I realized I was now feeling hopefull.
I hope to listen to my body and to figure out my new limits to let my body still heal. I hope to maintain the home how I can and that I can persuade my children to help, that I will have clarity and peace of mind to discipline, urge, inspire, and correct, compliment, praise, empower. That I can figure out where I was in my homeschool and pick up the reins my husband has been helping with so wonderfully and know that I can do this again and assume the ability I had before. That I will be able to nourish the minds and bodies of us all, and this all with a new and little Siamese addition who will gain his little sweet independance day by day, but that for now, I can empower him with the foundational feeling that will one day help his relationship with God: that someone cares for him deeply, can be trusted to take care of his many needs, and will sacrifice for his comfort.